Clarence's Joke

Here’s a joke that Clarence Kailin told at a potluck a few years ago. A re-telling seems appropriate. It’s about the day Karl Marx died.

Old Karl arrived up in Heaven, at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter recognized him right away, but decided to have a little fun anyway.

“Name?” said St. Peter.

“Karl Marx. That’s Marx with an ‘x’ and Karl with a ‘k.”

With great flourish, St. Peter opened the Golden Book to the M’s and started down the list. After a moment he frowned over his glasses. “I’m sorry, Mr. Marx. We obviously have nothing for you here.”

With that, Karl picked up his shabby little suitcase, turned and headed down the Golden Stair.

A week passed. St. Peter is on the phone, calling down to Hell. “Lucifer. Pete here. Hey, we didn’t get a shipment from you guys this week. What’s going on? You’re usually very prompt.”

“It’s that Karl Marx guy you sent us,” says the Devil. “No sooner did he arrived, than he started organizing unions. Right now the Sulfur Workers are threatening a general strike unless they get air conditioning. I tell ya, Pete. There might not be anymore shipments from down here unless we get rid of this guy.”

“Ok, ok,” says St. Peter with a sigh. “Send him back.”

Next morning, there’s old Karl, again standing before the Pearly Gates. This time no questions asked. The gates swing open and he floats inside.

A week passes. This time it’s the Devil making a call up to Heaven. “Lucifer, here. Say, did our last shipment arrive?”

“Yes,” says the voice on the Heaven end of the line. “Quite all right.”

“Well,” says the Devil. “We haven’t been paid yet. You guys are always so prompt.”

“Yes,” says the voice on the Heaven end of the line. “There have been a few changes up here. First, we’ve reorganized. We’re now a workers’ collective.”

“And, we voted to cancel the foreign debt. So, you won’t be getting paid for that last shipment.”

“What?” says the Devil.

“Oh, and by the way, we’ve expropriated your train. And your crew’s defected.”

“That’s ridiculous!” says the Devil. “Let me talk to St. Peter.”

“I’m sorry, but Citizen Peter no longer works in this capacity.”

“That’s outrageous!” says the Devil. “I demand to talk to God!”

After a short pause on the Heaven end of the phone the voice says, “…Who?”

We may have disagreements about things like souls and spirits and what happens when you die. But, we can agree on one thing. Wherever Clarence is tonight, you can be sure he’s organizing.